I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
