i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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