Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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