my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize