Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
