Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
