I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
