Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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