defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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