Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize