It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
