I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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