life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize