wat bout pragnant strippers??
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
