She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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