You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
