I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
