I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
