i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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