It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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