Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
