so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
