New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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