i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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