I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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