I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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