dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
farters have to be the big spoon...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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