my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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