you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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