Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
