She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i think i just lost a toe
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize