I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
