I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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