ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dick very happy bro
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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