what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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