Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
