Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
