Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
