What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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