I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
