I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
