i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
