he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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