nutella sex= disaster
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did I show you my penis last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
