Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
