Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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