Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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