we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
