There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
