I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
