Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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