Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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