cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
