yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
