She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize