I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
