At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
