I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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