how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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