i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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