the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
