my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
