I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
