he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
