I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
