I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
