Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
