the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
