Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
