I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish you could order shots online.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
