You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
