The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
be right there i have to get my cape
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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