wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize