Swine flu. Run for my life!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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