Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
