you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
