Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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