I just saw a hot homeless man
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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