btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
