I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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