he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
