So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
