i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
