he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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