just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
