i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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