We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
