My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
