you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
