Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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