We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
