come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
