He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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