she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
