the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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