Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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