Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
