Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you. Go after that dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
