Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
