is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
