I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
